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2011-09-25T23:10:00.001-05:00

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2010-07-08T09:22:00.001-05:00

Backstreetboys-Incomplete

2010-05-30T03:10:00.000-05:00

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2010-02-18T02:42:00.001-06:00

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2009-12-24T03:17:00.000-06:00

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2009-09-12T04:12:00.002-05:00

Angel, it been so long. I haven't seen
any wings since. I don't want to be
alone in this world.

...

2009-07-05T23:40:00.000-05:00

“[…] I have given up trying
to recognize you in the surging wave of the next
moment. All the immense
images in me— the far-off, deeply-felt landscape,
cities, towers, and bridges, and unsuspected
turns in the path,
and those powerful lands that were once
pulsing with the life of the gods-
all rise within me to meanyou, who forever elude me.”

— ‘You Who Never Arrived’, Rainer Maria Rilke

2009-04-15T00:45:00.002-05:00

...

2009-02-14T14:17:00.001-06:00

Shattered dreams, a broken heart

A battered soul that's ripped apart

Rejected love, thrown away

The bluest sky has turned to grey

These empty arms held open wide

Washed away with the morning tide

The rain begins with falling tears

There's nothing left to hold me here

I close my eyes with lonely thoughts

Will this aching pain ever stop?

My life, it seems like another time

A distant place, a tortured lie

As I float away to that dark abyss

Memories fade in a devil's kiss

Fire burns this sunken soul

But I can't feel it, I'm still cold

Forbidden acts of endless rage

I place my heart inside a cage

A prison built of fear and pain

With a single key that bears her name

I don't know how it came to this

A hollow truth, a forgotten wish

A promise told with thoughtless lies

Whispered screams and crying eyes

With pictures torn from days of old

And destined fates that they foretold

Darkness born of silent tears

The end has come to feed my fears

I slowly take a final breath

One last whisper is all that's left

And no one comes to rescue me

As I slowly sink beneath the sea

-Matthew D. Noggle

...

2009-02-07T13:52:00.001-06:00

Luminaire

2009-02-01T21:58:00.003-06:00

My Home Baby!

...

2009-01-10T22:20:00.002-06:00

You said; for the scent of love in decades will never age and we will
grow but never die, rather- intertwine.

...

2008-12-30T00:19:00.000-06:00

I won't, I won't go on.

Dear Darling

2008-12-12T00:12:00.001-06:00

Do you realize how long its been, we are made in pairs, but you want me to think that I am all alone. I can't feel you anymore. whoever you are.

...

2008-12-04T01:22:00.001-06:00

Don't give up, Don't ever give up.

Bleeding Heart

2008-11-18T01:28:00.001-06:00

...

2008-11-08T22:52:00.001-06:00

...

2008-11-07T17:12:00.002-06:00

There is a black hole so big inside my chest
Everything gets suck right in, yes even the light
And in the end; I am this big massive burden of matter, just waiting to explode but yet there is a calm, a self control. an entire universe inside myself.

talking to myself

2008-10-29T00:05:00.001-05:00

come on! this will be a good opportunity, what do you have to lose,its worth a shot, you can handle anything, even if things don't go well, its no catastrophy. We probably have a lot in common and maybe hit it off really well.

...

2008-10-28T19:43:00.001-05:00

I will stand through the rain, I will stand my ground when everything is crashing down, I will stand through the pain, even when my heart is torn, I will praise You in the storm even when I cannot see because this broken road is Your will for me.

Song

2008-10-26T16:55:00.002-05:00

Old news but heard something bout a hmong girl who I use to date, who got married to a hmong dude then when the bastard came out, it was an African american.

So I sing Song by John Doone

Go and catch a falling star
Get with child a mandrake root
Tell me where all past years are
or who cleft the devil's foot
Teach me to hear mermaids singing
Or to keep off envy stinging

And find
what wind

Serves to advance an honest mind

If thou be'st born to strange sight
Things invisible to see
Ride ten thousand days and nights
Till age snow white hairs on thee
Thou, when thou return'st, wilt tell me
All strange wonders that befell thee
And swear
No where

Lives a woman true and fair

If thou find'st one, let me know
Such sweet pilgrimage were sweet
Yet do not, i would not go
Though at next door we might meet
Though she were true, when you met her
And last, till you write your letter,
Yet she
Will be
False, ere I come, to two or three.

...

2008-10-24T23:07:00.001-05:00

"I will lie awake in bed and for a few minutes perhaps allow myself to believe in ghost, to hope that something beyond my own subconcious. Loneliness is driving this. When I finally find sleep again. I dream of my dog and the hardware store. And when I wake-disappointment blooms in my chest as a tightening, or maybe its a relief.

All these years of bereavement leave me forgetful of what could have been."

...

2008-10-23T09:40:00.001-05:00

"Its been more than a year since but the trickle of days and months merely flow like water seeking its own level and so always in a perpetual river of motion. I find myself back, back to where the sun comes up to meet the sky, to where the flow of life and energy begin. For this is truly where I am born, where I am alive, and where I shall forever live...in the forgotten pools of words." -sl

...

2008-10-22T08:08:00.001-05:00

Was I blind, what was I thinking, how could I adore such heavy eyes of pride, eyes that shun.

The sky is falling

2008-10-21T08:06:00.001-05:00

Father, forgive me, the state of the economy is dwindling and I find myself focusing on matters far from you. please remove these distractions of my heart and set my eyes upon you for security. I want to invest in your kingdom and be ready to enter it anytime. Fix my heart and open my eyes.

...

2008-10-21T00:28:00.001-05:00

Father, I have communication issues, please provide me with verbalization skills, it will solve most of the miseries of my inner struggles. Give me a voice, a powerful voice, one that says I know who I am and where I stand. Yes, lord please give me a voice.

Good Bye

2008-10-19T17:32:00.002-05:00

My love,this love never was nor could be, I only wanted to love you and you only loved me in my own mind. I must let go because you have, I said it many times before but this time I really will try. good bye love.

"its like erasing every though i've ever had. Sometimes you just need to change and then other times you just have to let go"

Dear Heart

2008-10-18T18:39:00.003-05:00

Dear heart,

Will you rise up from the deep abyss that you have fallen into, the way you drag yourself, the way you turn and gaze at the bare branches and yellow fallen leaves. The way you look down and long. The way you stare side to side with no light in your eyes.

The places you go, they bring you no comfort, the people your with, they bring you no joy. Oh heart. What can I do or say to take your abyss away.

snap,snap reality check

2008-10-18T05:38:00.001-05:00

I could of have been sound asleep peacefully but instead here I am thinking and thinking and thinking. she mention once that its not healthy and its finally taken me this long to realize it. This pain I bought upon myself. I must deal with it. I must cope with it. I will get over it. I will go on. I will return to reality.

...

2008-10-17T23:48:00.002-05:00

my love, my love, why have you trouble my heart, my heart.

Running

2008-10-15T10:54:00.001-05:00

As we crest the top of the first hill, you’ll let me lead. Just behind me, your steps will fall in place with mine—the heartbeat rhythm of rubber on asphalt. you will breathe evenly—deeply in, slowly out; your chest expanding and then falling, mirroring mine own. you’ll watch me, the bronzed skin of my back, the muscles that announce themselves as I push myself forward.

Running with me is the most enjoyable when we sync our bodies, when we can communicate through the ins and outs of our breathing: “slow down,” “faster,” “harder.”

We will do this for miles and miles, farther than either of us thought we could go. The landscape will blur and then dim as we pass; we focus only on the running, each other. When we come around the last bend, we will sprint home.

When we have finally had enough, when we have pushed so hard we cannot possibly convince our legs to propel us forward at this pace any longer, we slow. Instantly, every muscle in your legs tightens, and beneath your skin you can feel the strain, the tensing in your thighs and calves, the shudder just before release. Heat pulses in waves through your body, spreads through your ribcage and your stomach, through the end of each limb; endorphins flood your blood stream.

We will let the pounding against pavement dissipate into a jog; the feeling of the heartbeat intensifies, and the frantic pulsing moves to our throats. Our breath begins to even. you will pull your arms above your head and inhale deeply, relishing the feeling of air spreading through your burning lungs. Everything seems sharper now, in focus.

I will fall into step beside you, my face and shoulders glistening, my cheeks brushed red, and you’ll take your hand in mine, damp with sweat. you’ll turn to face me, locking your eyes with mine, and whisper, “amazing.” :)

Stay Away Forever If I Try.

2008-10-13T01:57:00.003-05:00

Yes, you can do it.

Repeating Izchan

2008-10-13T01:22:00.004-05:00

"People. Love is about life. Life is all about love. It’s the same thing. You just need to live your life and you will find love. Love is not just the relationship you share with another human being. It’s not just the feeling you feel when you hold his/her hand for the first time. Love is neither confined in the simplistic feeling of a kiss. It’s also the breathing in of morning air. The first sip of coffee. The first sound of the bird songs when you open your window. Your baby girls first step.

When you start learning to see love within your own life, then only will you start to truly live. Things will then start to make sense. And you will feel rather stupid for never seeing what was so blatantly obvious in the first place.

Truth is elusive they say. Is it? Or is it us who are ignoring it because it’s convenient to do so? Those who are discontent will never know, those who know don’t really care." -Izchan

...

2008-10-11T00:10:00.000-05:00

I don’t speak my mind often enough. It’s quite a problem, so how do I fix it? How do I become more expressive, well for starters, I can rid of the brevity that frequently fills my brain and make every phrase upon my psyche long essay. So…blog. I will be spending more time with you from now on. Yes. I will mark, I will inscribe, I will write, I will engrave, I will carve, I will scribble, I will doodle on you.

...

2008-10-05T20:33:00.004-05:00

At the moment. Loop it 2000.5 times and still not sick of it. My heaven. :)

Jonquil

2008-10-04T00:11:00.000-05:00

"The thing about loneliness is that it has the ability to breed itself.

Seriously, it does.

I can tell you that when loneliness plants a seed in you, it grows and then it plants more of itself. At the end, you end up with an entire garden of loneliness.

You could be in a room full of fun people, laughter and all those things that comes in the merry package and yet you are feeling lonelier that you have ever been before.

Its not like being detached.

No, thats not exactly correct, as being detached means there is still something you can come back to.

It is actually the feeling of solitary.

It’s a feeling of hopelessness.

Now here is the part, which is customary for the narator (me) to indicate that there is a plus point to this whole garden thing. The other side of the coin, so to speak.

But hey, you and I both know that it’s not going to help one bit.

Why?

Because the garden is not the problem.

Being lonely is not the problem.

"What is the problem then?" You might ask.

Well, the problem is because we are afraid.

The problem is because we are tired of being afraid.

The problem is because we KNOW we are tired of being afraid.

The problem is because we are doing nothing about the part of us knowing that we are tired of being afraid.

:) ... This one of those obscure analogies that I used to tell people about when I am explaning things.

So what are we afraid of?

The fear of being a side note in a text book.

A comment that no one reads.

That fear of being on your own forever, insignificant to the world outside.

It is fears like these that pushes people into that cul-de-sac where everything becomes impossible to handle. Its also one of the major contributors to the suicidal statistics.

I live in such a garden. With the tall grey walls and vine covered gates, the whole deal.

My own personal garden of loneliness. Of solitude.

But now I no longer feel lonely when I am there.

Let me rephrase that, I no longer just feel lonely.

I don’t really know when it happened, but amidst my garden of loneliness I started to feel that there were other things growing within it as well.

What I thought was a garden of only loneliness was never in fact ever true.

Yes, there are other stuffs growing in your garden as well.

It is just that the flower of loneliness is so outstanding that we tend to not see the others.

Some of the more common ones are like love and friendship.

There is of course duty.

And there is my personal favorite something I call faith. It used to be only a small patch hidden in a corner somewhere, but as time passed, it started to cover an entire section of the garden by itself.

Yet, there will always be loneliness among all these other flowers in our gardens. Its part of the whole landscape. It contributes to the garden with its own specific set of colors. It’s like the outer frames of a painting that helps put the picture into its proper perspective.

So you see, the problem lays not with presence of loneliness.

It is our inability or stubbornness to see beyond that.

We are all born alone. And we will most probably die alone.

But it is always our own choice that makes us live alone.

Open your eyes, look at your garden.

You might just find more than jonquil's growing there." -izchan

Dear Darling

2008-09-20T01:44:00.004-05:00

...

2008-09-18T17:09:00.006-05:00

My love, my love,where have you been, where have you gone. You've taken your love and taken your breath, left me in wondering thoughts and grasping hands, Oh, if I could just hold your face in both my palms, kiss your nose and taste your rose pedal behind the heavenly gates of your smile.

...

2008-09-09T02:25:00.003-05:00

---

2008-09-09T00:39:00.001-05:00

and so i shall cast myself far far from the heaveans of your arms.

On An Island In The Sun

2008-09-06T08:17:00.002-05:00

Her Face

2008-09-05T23:11:00.001-05:00

Her perfect face, chocolate hair, her auburn eyes, her tender nose, oh she has the most beautiful nose and her rouge lips, yes- her lovely orifice that flows wonderful poetry. Every night I stare into a screen, into the stars in the iris of her eyes, hoping that they will open a gate to a world where we are under the trees, the grass massaging our feet, the cycloptic eye in the starry skies staring us down and there she too will love me.

From Both Sides Now

2008-09-04T12:57:00.001-05:00

Rows and floes of angel hair
And ice cream castles in the air
And feather canyons ev'rywhere
I've looked at clouds that way

But now they only block the sun
They rain and snow on ev'ryone
So many things I would have done
But clouds got in my way
I've looked at clouds from both sides now
From up and down, and still somehow
It's cloud illusions I recall
I really don't know clouds at all

Moons and Junes and Ferris wheels
The dizzy dancing way you feel
As ev'ry fairy tale comes real
I've looked at love that way

But now it's just another show
You leave 'em laughing when you go
And if you care, don't let them know
Don't give yourself away

I've looked at love from both sides now
From give and take, and still somehow
It's love's illusions I recall
I really don't know love at all

Tears and fears and feeling proud
To say "I love you" right out loud
Dreams and schemes and circus crowds
I've looked at life that way

But now old friends are acting strange
They shake their heads, they say I've changed
Well something's lost, but something's gained
In living ev'ry day

I've looked at life from both sides now
From win and lose and still somehow
It's life's illusions I recall
I really don't know life at all
I've looked at life from both sides now
From up and down, and still somehow
It's life's illusions I recall
I really don't know life at all

-Joni Mitchell

Left And Leaving

2008-08-22T01:09:00.006-05:00

“My city’s still breathing (but barely it’s true) through building gone missing like teeth, The sidewalks are watching me think of you, sparked with broken glass. I’m back with the scars to show. Back with the streets I know. They never take me anywhere, but here. Those stains in the carpet, this drink in my hand, these strangers who faces I know. We meet here for our dress rehearsals to say” I wanted this way” and wait for the years to drown. Spring forward, fall back down. I’m trying not to wonder where you are. All this time lingers, undefined. Someone choose who’s left and who’s leaving. Memory will rust and erode into a list of all that you gave me: some matches, a blanket, this pain in my chest, the best parts of lonely, duct tape and solder wires, new word for old desires and every birthday card i threw away. I wait in 4/4 time. Count yellow highway lines that you’re relying on to lead you home. “

-The weakerthans

The inertia of a lonely heart

2008-08-18T03:46:00.002-05:00

The world is full of cripples
and endless nights
and broken fruit
and calls that never come through
and restless dreams
that fear being awake
and stars that lose themselves
and waves that are alway leaving
and bitten mouths
and lonely bars
and rosy nipples
rosy as dawn
rosy as the first blush of youth
and tired people
and lonely hearts
opening, orbiting
crashing into open mouths
and hungry eyes
and empty-handed lovers
the inertia of loneliness
a miserable force.

-JK

In Relationships

2008-08-11T00:48:00.000-05:00

You have a charming manner and very winning ways with the opposite sex, when you so choose. Despite your charm, you often find that some unforeseen problem seems to emerge that prevents you from obtaining the object of your desire and those to whom you are most attracted may indeed fail to respond in the way you expect. You need to harness your powerful energies, or even rein them in a little, so that those with whom you would like to spend time are not overwhelmed by your battle tactics.

New Home For Heart And Mind

2008-08-10T00:48:00.004-05:00

I suppose I will be blogging here more often now since the other site is down.It's a funny story.Some girl mention the day before that she didn't trust the site no more and then suddenly the next day afterwards. dns error.

I guess it's good.I don't have to see her name no more. that girl, that site, I hope it never comes back alive.

Ode on Solitude

2008-08-09T01:50:00.000-05:00

Happy the man, whose wish and care
A few paternal acres bound,
Content to breathe his native air,
In his own ground.

Whose herd of milk, whose field of bread,
whose flocks supply him with attire,
Whose tree in summer yield him shade
In winter fire.

Blest, who can unconcern'dly find
Hours, days, and years slide soft away
In health of body, peace of mind,
Quiet by day.

Sound sleep by night; study and ease,
Together mixt, sweet recreation;
And innocence, which most does please
With meditation.

Thus let me live, unseen, unknown:
Thus unlamented let me die;
Steal from the world, and not a stone
Tell where i lie

-Alexander Pope

Won't You, Won't You.

2008-08-08T00:32:00.001-05:00

Dear Lord

2008-08-06T01:58:00.000-05:00

Take it away lord, take away this emptiness, this loneliness, make me whole, make me new. Give me a spirit of hope and joy, bring me out of this darkness and into the light. Won’t you please, Won’t you please.

I Wonder Lonely As A Cloud

2008-08-04T01:54:00.000-05:00

I wonder lonely as a cloud
that floats on high over vales and hills
When all at once I saw a crowd
A host, of golden daffodils,
Besides the lake, beneath the trees
Fluttering and dancing in the breeze

Continuous as the stars that shine
And twinkle on the Milky Way
They stretched in never-ending line
Along the margin of a bay
Ten thousand saw I at a glance,
Tossing their heads in sprightly dance.

The waves beside them danced, but they
outdid the sparking wave in glee;
A poet could not but be gay,
In such a jocund company:
I gazed- and gazed-but little thought
What wealth the show to me had brought
For oft, when on my couch I lie
In vacant or in pensive mood,
They flash upon that inward eye
Which is the bliss of solitude;
And then my heart with pleasure fills,
And dances with the daffodils.

-William Wordsworth

Somedays

2008-07-28T02:44:00.000-05:00

some days I am so afraid
that i shake and shake and shake,
till the coldness in my heart
gets a bit of heat from all the
friction of skin and the air.
It is then that I can for a moment
be cover with a warmth like a blanket,
close my eyes and receive a bit a relief
from all the things of my mind.